Umuhungu wanjye w’ingimbi ntakimvugisha!

Ubusanzwe Delphine yabaga azi ibintu byose mu buzima bw’umuhungu we: aho yabaga ari, inshuti ze, n’ibyo atekereza. Ariko kuva aho Manzi yujurije imyaka 14, byose byahise bihinduka. Yatangiye kuzajya yinjira mu cyumba cye agashyiramo urufunguzo, ndetse atangira kuzajya arahora kuri telefone. Iyo amubajije ngo “Wiriwe ute ku ishuri?” Manzi amusubiza ijambo rimwe “neza”, rimwe na rimwe akamwihorera.

Ibi bituma Delphine yumva ari kubura umuhungu we, yumva yarahindutse. Niba warigeze guhura n’ikibazo nk’iki, nturi wenyine. Ibi bikunze kubaho cyane, kandi bitera urujijo ababyeyi. Icyakora muri iki gihe, ibi biza byiyongera ku yindi mihangayiko ababyeyi batahuraga nayo mu myaka yashize.

Kuki umwana wanjye yahindutse cyane?

Uku kudashyikirana nawe cyane ntabwo biterwa n’uko hari icyo mupfa, ahubwo ni cyo gihe agezemo. Mu gihe cy’ubugimbi (adolescence), ubwonko bw’umwana burahinduka, maze ibice by’ubwonko bigena uko umwana yibona (identity), kumva aharanira kwigenga no kwifatira ibyemezo (independence), ndetse no kwisanisha n’amatsinda runaka (belonging) bigakura cyane. Bityo rero umwana wawe ntabwo aba agamije kugukura mu buzima bwe; ahubwo aba ari kugerageza kumenya uwo ari we, ubwe, atari ukuba ari umwana wawe gusa. Muri iki gihe aba yumva inshuti ze zifite agaciro mu buzima bwe (kurusha n’umuryango we). Kandi ibi ni ingenzi mu mikurire ye. Uku kugerageza kumenya uwo ari we akenshi wowe nk’umubyeyi ubibona nko kugira amabanga, no gushaka kuba atari kumwe n’ababyeyi. Ariko akenshi ntaho biba bihuriye no kuba hari ikibazo yaba afitanye n’ababyeyi, ahubwo ni uko gusa ari cyo kigero aba agezemo.

Ese koko kurera ingimbi n’abangavu biragoye muri iki gihe kurusha mu bihe byahise?

Yego. N’ubwo baca umugani ngo “nta ngoma itagira ab’ubu”, buri gihe ingimbi n’abangavu bakaba baba bagerageza kwimenya, kwifatira ibyemezo no kugira inshuti hanze y’umuryango wabo; muri iki gihe, ingimbi n’abangavu ibyo babinyuramo abenshi bafite smartphone badafasha hasi. Umunsi mubi nturangira umwana atashye, ageze mu rugo, ukomereza muri chat ku ma group y’inshuti ze. Imbuga nkoranyambaga zaje zongeraho undi mutwaro: ingimbi n’abangavu bahora bigereranya na bagenzi babo bangana b’imihanda yose ku isi bagaragaza amashusho y’ubuzima bw’akataraboneka ku mbuga nkoranyambaga. N’ubwo ayo mashusho atagaragaza ubuzima bwa nyabwo, ahubwo aba yashowemo akayabo kugira ngo areshye benshi bayareba; abo bana bayareba ntibabura kwigereranya nayo, bakumva ubuzima bwabo ari bubi kandi bakumva badafite uburanga, bikabatera agahinda (anxiety) no kumva nta gaciro bafite (low self-esteem). Ibi byibasira cyane cyane abakobwa.

Ibi byatumye Leta z’ibihugu bitandukanye harimo n’iy’uRwanda bitangira gushyiraho amategeko abuza ingimbi n’abangavu batarageza imyaka runaka gukoresha imbuga nkoranyambaga kuko ubushakashatsi burushaho kugaragaza ibyago bikomeye ziri guteza: kubera imbuga nkoranyambaga, ingimbi n’abangavu bagenda barushaho gutakaza ubushobozi bwo gusabana n’abandi, gukemura amakimbirane, ndetse no kuvugana n’umuntu imbonankubone mu buzima busanzwe.

Ese umwana wanjye nkeneye kumugurira smartphone?

Aha igisubizo cyacu ni iki: byaba byiza uyimuhaye arangije amashuri yisumbuye. Ibimenyetso by’ingaruka zitandukanye zishobora guturuka mu gukoresha smartphone cyane ku bana b’ingimbi n’abangavu ntabwo twabyirengagiza, ingaruka ziterwa cyane cyane n’imbuga nkoranyambaga ziri gutuma ababyeyi n’abayobozi ku isi yose, batangira kwibaza niba koko umwana wese w’ingimbi cyangwa umwangavu akeneye smartphone.

Ibyo abana bakeneye ni ibikoresho bagomba gukoresha mu mirimo y’ingenzi itandukanye: laptop cyangwa tablet yo gukoreraho imikoro yo mu ishuri, no kwidagadura mu rugero, na telefone yorohereje yo guhamagarana no kohererezanya ubutumwa bugufi n’umuryango. Ntabwo bakeneye guhabwa igikoresho cyagenewe mbere ya byose kubarangaza.

Niba umwana wawe w’ingimbi cyangwa umwangavu asanzwe afite smartphone, guhita uyimwaka ntabwo ari cyo gisubizo. Ahubwo ibyiza ni ugushyiraho amabwiriza, urugero: nta gukoresha telefone igihe turi kumeza, telefone ntigomba kurara mu cyumba uraramo, nta gukoresha imbuga nkoranyambaga kugeza wujuje imyaka runaka n’ibindi. Ayo mabwiriza kandi ugomba kumusobanurira impamvu yayo aho kuyamutura hejuru gusa kandi nawe nk’umubyeyi ukayubahiriza kugira ngo umuhe urugero. Ku babyeyi batarashyiraho ayo mabwiriza nabashishikariza kuyashyiraho. Umwana w’ingimbi/umwangavu wize kwihanganira kurambirwa, gusabana adakoreshe telefone cyangwa andi mashusho, no kwicara nta bimurangaza akitekerezaho, aba ari kubaka ubushobozi buzamufasha mu buzima na nyuma yarakuze.

Ni gute umwana wanjye w’ingimbi/umwangavu namuba hafi ntamubangamiye?

Hari ibintu byagufasha muri urwo rugendo, n’ubwo ushobora kumva ari bito:

Wimuganiriza umuhata ibibazo. Numubaza ngo“Wiriwe ute ku ishuri?” akenshi azagusubiza ijambo rimwe. Hari abana benshi bumva babangamiwe no kumureba mu maso ukamubaza ibibazo (cyane cyane abahungu), gerageza kumuganiriza muri kugendana, muri mu modoka, muri guteka, mbese mutarebana mu maso (side by side, rather than face-to-face).
Irengagize ibintu bimwe na bimwe. Ntabwo buri uko umwana yifungiranye mu cyumba cye, cyangwa atagikoreye isuku uko bikwiye bisaba kumutonganya. Ububasha bwawe buzigamire iby’ingenzi cyane: imyitwarire idatekanye, agasuzuguro, no kutavugisha ukuri.
Muganirize ku bibera kuri interineti udategereje ko hagira ikibazo kivuka. Umwana wawe yaba afite smartphone cyangwa ntayo afite, muganirize ku byo abona cyangwa yumvana bagenzi be baba babonye kuri interineti, unamusobanurire impamvu mwebwe mukora amahitamo runaka nk’umuryango aho gukurikiza ibyo kuri interineti. Kugira amatsiko y’ubuzima abamo birafasha kurusha kumukanira.
Mwemerere kugira amakosa akora kugira ngo yige. Kwibagirwa gukora umukoro wo ku ishuri akabona amanota mabi afite imyaka 15 bizamwigisha kandi birimo ingaruka nto kurusha amakosa akomeye yakora amaze gukura.
Byaza umusaruro amahirwe yose yo kumarana umwanya (quality time) n’umwana wawe. N’ubwo akenshi abana b’ingimbi/abangavu baba bagaragara nk’abadashaka kumarana umwanya n’ababyeyi babo, abenshi iyo bigiye hejuru bavuga bifuzaga kumarana umwanya nabo. Gusangirira hamwe nk’umuryango, gutemberena, no kugirana ibihe byiza muri rusange byubaka umubano mwiza hagati yawe n’abana bawe b’ingimbi/abangavu bigatuma mubasha kuganira no ku ngingo zigoye.
Bereke ibyiza by’ubuzima busanzwe butarimo screen. Shishikariza umwana wawe w’ingimbi/umwangavu kujyana nawe gutembere n’amaguru muri karitsiye, gukora sport yo kwiruka, kujyana muri gym, kujya muri picnic nk’umuryango, n’ibindi. Ashobora kudahita abyitabira ako kanya, ariko nyuma agera aho akagenda abyitabira. Ibi bihe mugirana nta screen, ni byiza ku mubiri we ariko kandi binamufasha kumenya kuganira bisanzwe, no kumva ko ubuzima atari muri telefone gusa.

Nakora iki mbonye umwana wanjye w’ingimbi/umwangavu yigunze, afite agahinda, cyangwa yahindutse?

Kugira amarangamutima ahindagukira ni ibisanzwe muri icyo gihe. Icyakora impinduka zimara igihe, nko gusinzira gacye, kuryamira bitari bisanzwe, guhagarika kuvugisha inshuti ze, kumanuka bitunguranye kw’amanota mu ishuri, cyangwa guhorana agahinda bimara igihe kirenze icyumweru, byo ukwiriye kubyitondera.

Aha igifasha cyane si ukugira ubwoba cyangwa kumusaba ibisobanuro; abana b’ingimbi n’abangavu baganira iyo bumva bisanzuye. Icyiza ni ukumubwira kenshi uti “Niba hari icyo ushaka kumbwira ndahari, kandi ntacyo wambwira cyakuraho ko ngukunda kuko uri umwana wanjye”, ibi bishobora kumufasha cyane. Ibi byanze, ushobora kwifashisha umu counselor/therapist. Ntabwo biba bivuga ko hari igikuba cyacitse ahubwo uwo mwana aba abonye undi muntu mukuru wamufasha.

Nonese Delphine koko ari kubura umuhungu we buhoro buhoro?

Oya. Manzi ntakiri wa mwana muto wabwiraga nyina byose, ari gukura. Ariko Delphine afite amahirwe yo kuba yakubaka umubano n’umuhungu we ku buryo amugirira icyizere cyo kuba yamwegera, akamugisha inama muri cya gihe bikenewe cyane.

Icyo cyizere ntabwo cyubakwa n’ikiganiro kimwe gikomeye, cyubakwa n’ibiganiro bito bito, n’ibihe byoroheje mugirana, musangira, mutemberana, mukorana igikorwa runaka. Muri ibyo bihe niho umwana w’ingimbi/umwangavu abona ko atekanye.

Imyaka y’ubugimbi ni imyaka igoye cyane yaba ku mwana no ku mubyeyi. Ariko iyo ugize kwihangana kandi ugashyiraho umurongo ukwiye (boundaries), abenshi iyo myaka babasha kuyicamo neza.